unemployed, astrid patenaude

[attr="class","appn"]astrid patenaude

[attr="class","appc"]age 020

[attr="class","appc"]group commoners

[attr="class","appc"]sex female

[attr="class","appc"]occupation unemployed

[attr="class","appp"]



you hum his words in the cathedral every sunday morning. you repeat the hymns that you were taught when they set fire to your tongue because silence is honest. he rips away your sister's halo when she says that she does not believe in a god that sends his people to fight the unholy spirits that curse his name. you repeat his words doe-eyed though your throat grows raw as talking turns to shouting and you can feel the soot and ash climbing up your throat. (she tells you no thank you. there is no need for a halo from someone who would turn his back on his people.)[break][break]

you sing his words in the cathedral every sunday morning. you repeat the hymns that you were taught when they rip out your bones and they replace them with porcelain because you are better when you are fragile. he rips away your brother's halo when he says that he does not believe in a god that makes his people suffer without reason. you repeat his words, your azurite eyes darkening. your throat grows raw as talking turns to shouting and you can feel the lacerations left behind by silver-laden words. (he tells you no thank you. there is no need for a halo from someone who would turn his back on his people.)[break][break]

you rip out your heart to bury in your childhood in hopes that it might stop the aching in your chest. you bury it with your rosary and his book in the shallow grave. you hope that your heartbeat becomes less and less like a drum in the company of a symphony. [break][break]

so, your heart becomes thunder.[break][break]

you shout his words in the cathedral every sunday morning. you repeat the hymns that you were taught as you replace your skin with steel. he rips away your halo when you say that you do not believe in a god that sends children to die. you take his matchstick words and set fire to who you were. you chant 'i do not need a god. i do not need a god. idonotneedagod' despite the riots inside of your head. (you thank him and say there is no need for a halo from a god who has turned his back on his people.) [break][break]

they took your tongue, so you shout and you write and you demand attention because no one must ever know you had ever been silent. (you were, you were, you were.) [break][break]

they turned your bones to porcelain, so you turned your skin to steel because no one must ever know you were ever so fragile. (you were, you were, you were.) [break][break]

you have an abyss where your heart used to be. you dug your fingers into your chest and ripped out any love for him that you may have ever had. youdonotneedagodyoudonotneedagod. YOU DO NOT NEED A GOD. [break][break]

ichor burns in your veins as you walk and smile through chapped lips. your cheeks are never as rosy, your love is never as fervent, your body is never as strong, but you'll be damned if you ever let them know you are anything but. you are immortal and you do not need a god.[break][break]

you become your own.